Potter hands

my epsi cup of clay

After six years, I finally take apart the cup I molded with clay...to shape it once more.

When Leaders are (locally) born and (nationally) made

It was all over the news since last week and I can’t quite keep my eyes dry for long while watching the news on TV or online. 

It really tears me up all the time to realize that the former Mayor of Naga City and DILG Sec Jesse Robredo is gone, just like that. I had just arrived home when my mom solemnly told me that the plane he boarded from Cebu City just crashed in the sea of Masbate. I tuned in to the television while I texted a couple of friends to inform them of the news and to pray for his safety. What else can I do?

I’m not sure if I can properly recall how I first heard of him. I’m sure it was in high school though, probably in our first year while his eldest daughter Aika was probably in her fourth year in USI. She had just won in a national essay writing competition and her piece was read in one of our classes (or was it during the flag ceremony?). It was an essay written about one of the Ramon Magsaysay awardees and she had selected an awardee who was close to her heart - her dad. It was a simple, short piece that had made a deep impression on me, one of those inspiring works that made me wish I could write well and could be as honorable if such a man truly exist. (Years later, I wrote a piece entitled “Sino ang Tunay na Pinuno?” as a requirement in our Filipino subject that would have to be delivered in front of the class. Since I didn’t have the guts to face my highly competitive and uber intelligent classmates, I didn’t volunteer to recite it up to the last minute and ended up speaking to my teacher and a few classmates in a separate makeup session).

Straight out of college and into the workplace, I landed the job as program officer with less than a month to prepare for a leadership training workshop for student org officers. One of the modules in the workshop included the student leaders’ exposure to actual leaders in the community. With recommendations from my bosses and those who have ran the program before, I wrote a letter to Mayor Robredo asking if he could spare some time for the student leaders who would like to know him and his job. I even managed to get his contact number though I can’t recall how I did so. Initially, he had positively responded to our invitation but when the workshop dates drew near, he texted me again to say he was sorry he couldn’t see us due to some emergencies in the city hall. We had invited him again on the second run of the workshop the following year but he had to decline again because he had just arrived in the airport from Manila (Ever since, he really did fly to get back to Naga or to any of his appointments as quickly as possible). So we redirected the group of students designated to meet him to the AXA Life Insurance office of Mr. Alberto Bercasio, who was then the President of the Metro Naga Chamber of Commerce, where they enthusiastically fired questions and took notes of his own success and leadership story.

Not being a native Nagueño (I was born and raised in Manila, with a mother from Baao and a father from Bohol and later stayed in Baao before moving in to Naga, so tell me where I come from), I didn’t realize he was that quite popular until I chaperoned some students to another nation-wide leadership workshop in Antipolo where they cited him as “may kilala akong mayor, may palabra de honor” in one of the songs played during the program. They praised him more in the other videos that followed throughout the course. We were only three coming from the university, but it made me a bit proud to stand up with the students when they called for representatives from Naga City. The city cannot fully compare to Metro Manila but I think that’s because it has its own standards to measure itself. The locale is promising and not as congested as the metropolis has become, thus a livable place open to growth and development.

I think much has already been said by friends’ posts on their personal encounters with Robredo and much more has been written on his on-going works, his family, his political career and so on. More so will be written after his funeral and until we fully understand the circumstances that led to his untimely demise. As I said right after learning that his body was found, I had hoped, prayed and wanted so badly for a miracle. How can Ina not aid her son in his dire need, he who has shown much love and devotion to her, his family and his people? Won’t She - set aside my own cynicism in the past - heed the prayers of those who love him so and trust her, see how much more can he do if he were to live?

I do not know why. But despite my reasoning that has come up short of answers, I can only comfort myself in the words of a confessor when I repeatedly questioned whether justice can truly prevail, “We do not know the ways of the Lord, but we can only trust that His plan is greater and much better than what we hoped for.” I still keep the faith that things will eventually be alright in spite of the injustices, hypocrisy, unprincipled corruption I frequently taste in the air (forgive the exaggeration, I am just so appalled by it). In a world where to be corrupt in position is not just a norm but a thing to be marveled at times, his steadfast and unwavering character at the center of a deplorable large-scale system is practically a miracle. 

I guess that’s the beauty of being a believer. You have something to strongly hold on to, though you can’t quite explain. I suppose it is the huge difference in being unable to explain true beauty and goodness as compared to being unable to describe one’s wrongdoings due to feelings of uncertainty, guilt and embarrassment.

Today, he is to be laid to his final resting place at Eternal Gardens just beside Basilica Minore. I find his choice to be cremated very fitting (even I prefer it if not buried six feet under). It reminds me of the opening lines of a Stars song that says "When you have nothing left to burn, you must set yourself on fire." I have good faith to say that the light of your tsinelas leadership will burn brightly even after you've gone.

Thank you for supporting the arts through Councilor Cecilia de Asis and letting us use the Naga Civic Center during that fateful summer I fell in love with theater. Thank you for approving my uncle's appointment as physician in the City Hospital (who similarly showcases your simplicity by coming to work in laid-back but dedicated and caring style). Thank you for greeting us on our birthdays (I am still at awe at seeing the City Mayor post his greetings at our fb wall!). Thank you for making us believe that good governance, accountability and transparency is possible and that we are confident and not at loss for pointing you out as an example. Thank you for loving with your people most especially the poor and the needy. Thank you for greatly valuing your family and setting a very high standard for men to follow. How often do we find a truly good man with such steadfast character, right?

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So where does that put us now? For months I’ve been in a hiatus but I think things have been clearing up slowly, or maybe it’s the advancing age. There are things worth pursuing, many are not. The warning signs are there and so are the go signals – it’s up to us to judge aptly which one’s worth following. I wonder where my own life leads me – it seems that departing from our comfort zones is an inevitable but crucial part of lives if we want our potentials to be truly realized. The choice to come back home after leaving it for so long must be a sign that one can be so blessed to pay it back, to where our dreams were first nurtured until it achieved its best. 

I don’t want Jess’ life to be cherished in the same manner we reminisce the lives of Rizal, Magsaysay, Ninoy and Roco - people we view with almost messianic reverence who seem to have done something no mortal man can do – enough of that. Life is short, and it gets even shorter if it’s unclear to us where we’re heading. They can live in us, if we quit patronizing them only upon their deaths and act out the very best of ourselves once and for all - starting now.

Dios Mabalos asin salamat sa Gabos, Mayor Jess!

Photo courtesy of Boyet Abrenica via Apple Perez

Kung Hei Fat Choi! It's the Year of the Water Dragon!

New year has past but the Chinese New Year is still to come. Though not a Chinese and I’m more into the Japanes culture, I look forward to celebrating the Chinese New Year especially when it’s the Year of the Water Dragon (hey, that’s my sign!). Some say we’re going to be lucky, some say it’s our obstacle year. Heck, whatever the outcome or ending that we’ll see, here are some of my resolution/goals (some which are simply recycled) for this year:

Be a wee bit more choosy.

I had been lenient for the past two years in favor of being considerate and generous but I realized now that I should have stuck to the standards I have set, especially for myself. Therefore, I will be more critical. I will heed my intuition. I will not spill all my guts. I will not settle for less – especially when I’ve seen the best. I will be more discerning of my actions. I have a rather eccentric list, so let’s all cross our fingers that I can keep them.

Lose weight.

My progress to slimville is kind of slow and my commitment wavers as often as the weather changes. I hope a friend’s dare to wear a two-piece to the beach will inspire me ward off my sleepiness and get back to exercising. Weh!

Strive for Transparency, Integrity and Consistency.

Others, myself included would often still refer to me as somehow mysterious despite being outgoing most of the time. While there are some things that ought to be kept to myself, I realized nowadays how important it is to be truthful – that is, to be consistent with what one thinks, says and does. Don’t want to mislead people around with my intentions, words and actions that strongly contradict each other, because I wouldn’t want that vice versa. Unless we’re talking about getting into character for a play, duality is not an option.

Be more bad ass!

This year is the time to further break the norms! Bring on that red lipstick! Reek sarcasm!  Be stubborn to the core! Got to extend an arm further out of my comfort  zone and befriend my shadows. The night is young so let’s embrace our dark sides! While I fancy myself as some sort of devil’s advocate, I have no intetion of turning cruel, mind you. That’s something you wouldn’t really want to go to.

Be more positive. Exude good vibes.

That includes avoiding excruciating sad love songs that ought to be reserved in preparing to internalize some dramatic role. Got to think positive to attract some smooth flowing chi to sweep me off my feet. So cheers to happiness!

Stick to your principles.

These are my non-negotiables. The tried-and-tested theories – theories which sometimes make me sad because they always prove to be true you can almost make it a laws. Don’t want to waste what I have learned from my mistakes and from the wisdom of the selected few I heed to. Saves me from head/heart ache. Reserve the energy for key battles that matter most to me. Ikwayo!

Less party, save more.

I think I partied way too much to the end of 2011. I’m a few years away from supposed financial stability and it seems like I’m closer to poverty and nothingness. Oh, well. Got to keep my health and wealth in good state if I want to do more.

Do what you love. Follow your heart (but take your head with you).

Write. Write. Write. Read, Sing, Act, Dance, Draw. Laugh. Imagine. Cultivate and nourish the friendships and connections I’ve built over the years. Love wisely. BE DONE WITH IT. I’ve been taking notes of small progresses and reflections in my journal and my planner to keep track and remind me of all the things that keep me afloat (and avoid those which weigh me down). Older and wiser folks keep telling me I’m too young and I ought to explore. Undeniably true. Don’t just dream – make them come alive! *fist up in the air*

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Those are just the highlights of my new year's resolutions list. I’ve been travelling a lot already (international travel awaits, and I’m out to get my passport) and I’m very slowly building foundations of "projects" I’ve long wanted to get moving. I have to pass the torch next to some of these to others so that I can focus on things I know I am more passionate about and have a strong grip in my heart. Like posting in this blog for instance. Happy new year, people! Rawrrrr! 

hmm...this dragon's a bit western though. =)

Cross-fingers for the New Year Ahead!

2012 - I don't believe it's going to be the end of the world just yet since news broke that the Mayan calendar may have been miscalculated but then again, just in case...

[Predictions bases on horoscopes are broadcasted all over the tv and the internet it's practically confusing as to who's better in predicting the future...]

My journal entries are quite a few while my poems, essays and travelogues remain to be edited and refined. I've been recording tidbits of my life in my planner but I know I have to write something soon enough other than just what I did - I need to write down my thoughts, feelings and reflections so that they don't just slip away...

I've written my resolutions months earlier while organizing my files (and I'm still taking into account what I've been doing at work for the past two or more years), so all I need to do is look back and edit it to make it a wee bit achievable. But to close a rather turbulent year and welcome a promising year of the dragon (hey, that's my sign!) and to strengthen my vows I have publicly declared in class and privately affirmed by writing, here is a poem that somehow gives me a sense of paglaom (the Bicol word for "hope", but which may be interpreted as "akala" using Rinconada dialect).

The More Loving One 

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well

That, for all they care, I can go to hell,

But on earth indifference is the least

We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn

With a passion for us we could not return?

If equal affection cannot be,

Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am

Of stars that do not give a damn,

I cannot, now I see them, say

I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,

I should learn to look at an empty sky

And feel its total darkness sublime,

Though this might take me a little time.

- W.H. Auden (1957)


Goodbye 2011 madness! Hello there 2012!